Courtney's Contemplations . . .

“The days are long, but the years are short.”

Gretchen Rubin

Today is my youngest’s 8th birthday, and in two weeks, my oldest will be halfway through his 13th year. This morning I did what I do on every single one of my kiddos’ birthdays, I took a moment to reminisce. I looked back through my memories . . . through old photos and videos of days that seem like just yesterday, and yet, seem so far away. Chubby baby and toddler photos . . . wobbly first steps . . . toothless grins . . . first bites of cake . . . first words uttered . . . so many firsts and also, a few lasts . . . the last bedtime tuck in . . . the last time I swung them up on my hip . . . the last time I rocked a crying baby in the middle of the night . . . .

My babies are growing up, and there is most definitely a bittersweet component to that. And while there may be a moment of sadness, make no mistake, I do not wish to go back. I do not wish for those earlier years. Not because I don’t cherish them. I do. But because I know what an absolute privilege and honor it is to witness these two precious souls grow into the people God created them to be. To be entrusted to care for them, to lead and guide and help them as they figure out their own path in life. That’s not to say it’s always easy . . . that we never experience heartache or hurdles . . . that I never mess up, get frustrated, or have an occasional meltdown. But every day . . . the hardest . . . the easiest . . . the most challenging . . . is a blessing even when I don’t recognize it in the moment.

So today, I will look back, not with longing but with thankfulness. I will look forward, not wishing the days away but with both excitement and anticipation for what the future will bring. But most of all, I will embrace and be present in this moment, this hour, this day because I know how fleeting these days are.

These long days that flow into the shortest of years are a beautiful, wonderful, and yes, at times, bittersweet blessing.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

The Virtuous Wife

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
²² She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
²⁵ Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:10-31

These words written above are the epitome of what I want to be as a wife, as a mother, as a woman. They are the picture of a woman who is strong, solid, supportive, and hard working. (Important note: while this particular passage is speaking of a “virtuous wife”, the word wife comes from the Hebrew ishshah which is defined as “woman, wife, female”, and I feel this is applicable to all women whatever their current role is . . . Strong’s Concordance 802)

There is a common misconception that Christianity demeans women . . . that the bible doesn’t hold women in high regard. Make no mistake, that is a lie, sadly perpetuated both in and out of the church, but a lie none the less. Godly women are neither less than nor are they to be regarded as weak. While I do believe in very traditional roles in marriage (and in life), and my husband is the leader of our household, we are also side by side, equal partners. Neither of us dominates. Neither of us controls the other. Domination and control are not part of a Godly marriage or life.

I am a stay at home mother/house wife by choice. It is the hardest job I’ve ever held. Being a wife and a mother has also been the most important job I’ve had . . . and ladies that’s true regardless of whether you choose to work outside of the home or not . . . you and the role you hold . . . in your family, your church, your place of work . . . are irreplaceable and invaluable.

I am an educated woman (I say that not to brag but purely as a means to an end in explaining the choices I’ve made) who chose to leave my career to raise my family. Until I had my son, my personal plans had me moving upward into school administration as the years progressed, and my husband supported me in that as he also supported me staying home (that took a little more time and prayer to get us comfortable with the one paycheck thing). I continued to work full time for the first five years of Andrew’s life (and part time until Anna came home at the end of 2015) because at that time we did not have the luxury of making any other choice. I fully realize that it is a privilege to be able to stay home, but I also want to acknowledge it was and is a choice. It was both my desire and prerogative to change the path I was on. But there’s also this perception in the world’s economy that I somehow settled . . . that because I’m not “using” my degree in a capacity that brings home a paycheck, I’m somehow wasting my education (I actually use it more than you’d think . . . hello home school 2020 and 7th grade pre-algebra). I do not, for a second, regret the time it took to receive that education as it was important in shaping who I am, but I also have no regrets in laying that aside and making sacrifices to be able to do what I do now. That’s not everyone’s reality or choice nor should it be. And I want to be clear that regardless of whether you choose to stay home or work outside the home there is room for both.

I say all that to say this (I promise there is a point). The world and society do not see or value women the way God does. What should be regarded as the most honorable and empowering of all roles, the role of a Godly woman (however that may look for you as long as it’s biblically sound), is often seen as a compromise and a concession and a settling for “less than” in today’s culture. The world’s idea of empowerment is not God’s idea of empowerment. The world’s view of a strong woman is not God’s view of a strong woman. (Completely acknowledging I’m side eyeing a certain Grammy performance which I did not nor do I have any plans to fully view other than what I’ve seen and read in the news . . . that is not “woman power” folks . . . that is purely demeaning and degrading to everything God lovingly and masterfully created us to be as women. . . and that’s not up for debate with me . . . not even a little.)

March is Women in History Month. March 8th is International Women’s Day. And with the deluge of social media posts about empowering women and strong women, I find myself reflecting on the kind of woman I wish to be . . . I find myself looking inward and outward and most importantly, to God’s word to define both what kind of example I want to set for my children and the type of women I want to celebrate in my home.

I want to celebrate and emulate the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to celebrate women of the bible like Ruth who forsook her own home and family to stand by her mother-in-law and who played an integral role in the lineage of Jesus (book of Ruth). . . like Deborah the prophetess, judge, and warrior who heard God’s voice and led the children of Israel into battle against Sisera and his army which ultimately led to his death by the hands of Jael, another woman worth mentioning (Judges 4-5) . . . like Esther, the queen who bravely saved the Jewish people from complete annihilation (book of Esther) . . . like Anna the prophetess who had been a widow for decades and did not depart the temple until she bore witness to the birth of the Redeemer (Luke 2:36-38) . . . like Mary the mother of Jesus who found favor with God to be the mother of the Most High (Luke 1:26-38) . . . like Elizabeth, Mary and Martha, Rahab, Mary Magdalene, Hannah, Sarah . . . the list goes on . . . in a time when women were not often given praise or deemed worth mentioning in the annuals of history, the bible gives us no shortage of women to imitate.

And modern day history has left us no less rich with Godly women . . . from Lottie Moon to Corrie Ten Boom to Elisabeth Elliot, to name just a few and continuing on to women living and working for Christ, today, known to me from a distance through their ministries and known to me in my own, personal, everyday life . . . I won’t even try to start naming women in either of these categories as I’m sure to leave someone out but know they are both single and married . . . they are young and older . . . they are mothers in both the actual sense and surrogate mothers within the church and their communities . . they are nurses, teachers, ministers, counselors, business women, missionaries, friends, sisters, and leaders . . . they are strong, beautiful, women of God. These are the woman I will hold in high regard . . . these are the women I want to celebrate . . . these are the Proverbs 31 women.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

For the past few months, I have been focusing on and studying the epistles (letters) of Paul to the early church. I’ve been reading them in bible order rather than the order in which they were written, but I decided to work my way through them all starting with Romans. So far I’ve read Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, and Philippians.

Reading and studying Paul’s letters in this way has allowed certain recurring themes to jump out at me. It’s no secret that Paul’s instructions to the different churches hit on a lot of common topics and struggles, but I think what stands out to us often has to do with both the state of our world as a whole and what is happening in our lives personally. That’s what is so amazing and refreshing and life giving about the Word of God . . . it is what makes it living and active . . . the fact that we can read the same thing a thousand times, and it’s applicable to our current life situation every single time . . . the fact that we can find it convicting and transforming in a different way each time we read it.

So what keeps hitting me square in the face this time around? What have I found both convicting, transformative, and encouraging as I’ve studied? None of these are unfamiliar passages of scripture or new concepts in my life. Yet, as I read I realized, I have come a long way, but I still have a LONG way to go.

1. Love . . . others over self . . . as Christians we are called to love. Specifically, agape, unconditional love. We are not going to bring others to Jesus without love. I have “loved” (pun totally intended) 1 Corinthians 13 since I was a child, but here’s the thing, I cannot honestly say that I’m always great or even good at walking in unconditional love. I could say I’ve done a lot “right” things by the church’s standard, and I was/am a “good” Christian by my outward attitudes and actions, but Paul reminds us over and over again that without love none of our outward actions really matter. As we are told in Romans 3:10, “There is none righteous, no not one . . .”. So all the “right” things and “good” Christianity on the outside aren’t getting me very far. Further, as Christians, we are not called to selfishness . . . we are called to put others ahead of self. And, I’ll be honest, this is so difficult sometimes. Philippians 2:3-4, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interest of others.” Long story short, I am my brother’s keeper, and my the attitude of my heart matters far more than the outward performance.
2. Paul is neither soft on sin nor light on grace. He calls it like it is and he’s pretty straightforward regarding sin. Throughout his letters you will find Paul calling the church out on sinful behaviors, and he’s not soft on behaviors that sadly are commonplace within the modern church. Galatians 6:19-26, “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” There’s a little “ouch” in that passage, if I’m being totally transparent. But here’s the other thing, there is no way I’m capable of walking in the Spirit without the Spirit. There’s no way I can live up to those standards without Christ and His sacrifice and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. Our works cannot and will not ever save us. We just can’t be “good” enough, and without God’s amazing, unearned, undeserved grace and mercy we’re completely lost. But it’s that grace and mercy that should convict and compel us to do good. Philippians 1:27, “Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ . . . “. Ephesians 8:8-10, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not yourself; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” We cannot earn God’s grace or our salvation, but we are called to good works, we are called to love, because of that grace.
3. Suffering . . . sorry y’all. The church, especially the American church, really doesn’t like this one. But Paul wrote four of these letters (Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon) from prison. He was imprisoned for spreading the gospel. He did nothing wrong, and he suffered without complaint. I have a long way to go on this one. Philippians 2:14-16, “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.” That passage is a double “ouch”, and I have never professed it to be my favorite. Just being real. And just a few verses later in Philippians 4:11-13, “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Full stop here. First, look at the context of “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Paul is saying I can both suffer and abound because of Christ. Either way I’m good. Period. Paul’s joy and contentment were not based in his outward circumstances. He was cool no matter what. Can I say the same? Full disclosure: No, I cannot, and God is working on this in me.
4. Unity vs. Division . . . it was an issue then. It is an issue now. There are so many scriptures on this (all of what I’ve already referenced apply here . . . again, we are called to love and put others ahead of ourselves). As awful as persecution from the outside is to the church, it’s division, contentions, and quarrels from within that are the most destructive. Ephesians 4:1-6, “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.”

These four things are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. There is such a wealth of applicable and practical knowledge, wisdom, and instruction in Paul’s letters to the early church. So many of the issues they faced then are the same ones we are facing now, and we have to remember that our enemy is not readily seen. Ultimately, the things we wrestle against here on this earth, in our current culture and society, are being fueled from a much deeper, spiritual place. And the only way to war against it is through the preparation that we find through the grace of Jesus, the word of God, and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints.” Ephesians 6:10-18

At the end of the day, our goal is neither self preservation nor is it self promotion . . . it’s not to get our way or prove our point (which I love to do) . . . it’s to minister the gospel of Christ to those around us, not only with our words but also, with our actions. It’s to be a walking, talking, breathing testament of God’s goodness and grace, and it’s only through the power of the Holy Spirit that any of us can do this.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

Parenting ain’t easy. I don’t think that’s a secret, but I do think that it has its ebbs and flows. As with anything in life, there are easier seasons and there are harder seasons . . . there are seasons of rest and seasons of growth.

I am raising two very strong willed children. I love and adore them both, but if you know me, you know I tell it like it is even when it comes to my kids. Both have strong opinions, strong minds, and strong emotions all gifted to them by their Heavenly Father.

My youngest has the added twist of a very traumatic background which often affects behaviors and reactions . . . both hers and at times, mine, and parenting her has been a learning curve from the day we picked her up. Sometimes I get it right. A lot of times I don’t, and I have to pray, regroup, and try again. But at the end of the day, she very much loves and needs her mama and daddy, and she still wants the simple things like kisses and cuddles and bedtime stories.

Enter my oldest and all of life’s changes that come with growing up. In the past year as my, now 13 year old, son has entered a new a phase of his life . . . as he grows from a boy into a young man and begins to assert his independence, I’ve also found myself butting heads more and more often with my once very compliant little boy. It’s not that he’s a bad kid. He’s a great kid (maybe a little too much like me at times . . . but still great), but the shift in our relationship, a very important and God ordained shift (sorry moms our kids are meant to grow up), definitely threw me a bit off balance and a different learning curve has entered my life in regards to him.

I was hesitant to write about this. First, because I am NOT a parenting expert. I mean I only have 13 years of experience so I’m far from an expert. I fail daily . . . have to apologize to my kids often . . . am short tempered and impatient far more often than I care to admit. That is not said as a self deprecating bid for sympathy or a way of fishing for compliments on my parenting skills. I say it because the reality is it shows my need for the Holy Spirit to step in and guide my every action and interaction with my children. The second reason I was hesitant, is simply that I do try to respect and protect my children’s privacy. So I always want to proceed with caution when my writing involves them.

Having said all that, nothing as helped me more than other Christian mamas, some in the trenches like me, and others on the other side, saying, “I get it. I’ve been there. I’m there right now.”

This morning as I was working out, which is both my biggest source of stress relief and a time I often use to pray and process, I was thinking about what God’s word says about parenting and what our goals as parents should be. The bible is full to the brim with scriptures applicable to parenting. Yet, there are a few specific scriptures that stand out to me and point out directly what is expected and necessary of us as parents.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

So how does this play into what our goals as parents are to be? I found myself going back to all that I’ve learned and studied about building a great marriage, and I realized so much of what I know about marriage can also be applied to parenting. First and foremost, God is first in our home, then our marriage (unless you’re a single parent . . . aka, rockstar parent . . . then just drop the marriage component of this), and then, our kids. We do not have a kid-centric home (more on that in a minute). Second, love and respect. We all need both. And I honestly don’t think you can have one without the other. But what I know from being married is my husband first needs respect and then love while I need love followed by respect. Newsflash . . . my kids are the same. I’m not sure why it was so earth shattering for me to realize, that as he grows into a young man, my son obviously needs his mama’s love, but where love used to come before respect, there’s a shift that tells me love and respect are changing positions. He needs my respect and for me to guide and discipline and treat him in a way that is respectful (which we should be doing anyway, but even more so with our teenage sons . . . ).

So practically speaking what are my goals as a mother, and what are our (speaking of my husband and me) goals as parents together?

1. To raise our children in a God centered home that leads them on the best path for them (not us). Our children are not here to fulfill our own personal dreams. They’re here to walk out God’s plans and dreams for their lives. Obviously, that will mean looking at their interests, aptitudes, and giftings and how those fit into their futures. It will mean us helping them stay on course and have realistic, God centered dreams. That’s why it’s so important that in doing that, we give them a solid foundation in Christ and the word of God and show them what a Godly home and marriage look like. This is why our home is not kid-centric. One day our kids are not going to be here, and we want to be as happy and as fulfilled in one another without our kids here as we are with them here. Plus, if my husband and I don’t teach them what a great (not perfect) marriage looks like, then it’s going to be a lot harder on them in their own marriages and relationships. So in our home, it’s God first, marriage second, and kids third. Another key component of this is teaching them how to both make mistakes with grace and treat others with grace when they’ve messed up (something on which I have to work daily).
2. To launch our children toward independence (as much as is possible . . . this is often going to look very different if your child has special needs, and I think that’s important to note). One thing I appreciate so much about my son’s school is the preparation that they are giving them to move out of Mom and Dad’s house one day and become actual, productive citizens (the middle school boys recently had a brilliant lesson on this taught to them by the school’s pastor). Independence should be the goal for most (again, special needs complicate this greatly) of our kids. With Andrew, his personal path is definitely headed toward college, but beyond that, we know it’s headed toward starting the transition out of our home at 18 (not every kid is ready at 18 so don’t feel like it’s the magic number). If I’m honest, I think the transition toward independence has already begun for him which is why respect has taken such a place of importance. It’s not that he no longer needs discipline or guidance, but it needs to be very thoughtful in its execution. I need to be very thoughtful in how I respond to him. The “how” of this transition is going to look very different for different kids with different levels of needs and emotional maturity and development. That’s why Proverbs tells us as parents to “train up a child in the way he (or she) should go.” My parents did a fantastic job of helping me transition from those late teenage years into full fledged adulthood. What started as me moving out and into a dorm with a very large safety net my freshman year in college, ended with me living alone and paying most of my own bills my senior year. With each year my independence grew and the safety net shrunk. And while it isn’t exactly the same for every kid, it gave me a good blueprint for how it might look.

The other day, after a particularly challenging day with both of my children, I found myself feeling utterly defeated and asking God why I feel like I’m failing more than I’m succeeding. And immediately I heard in my mind, “Good and great do not equal perfection.” Too often I’m looking for picture perfect . . . picture perfect kids, a picture perfect home, a picture perfect marriage, picture perfect parenting . . . when I should be working toward great relationships with both deep love and respect. And the only way to do that, or any of this I’ve written about, is with God’s help through the Holy Spirit. It’s absolutely the only way, I’m getting this right.

Will I mess up again? That’s pretty much a certainty, but I’ll pray and use that to teach my children that all of us need mercy, grace, and forgiveness, and we’ll keep moving forward. Not toward perfect but toward great.

And don’t worry . . . I’m not becoming a parenting writer/blogger anytime soon . . . I think I’ll keep my “day job”. 😉

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

Longest title ever . . . sorry about that. My brain is pretty much fried this evening.

Last week was wild . . . that may be the understatement of the century. I live in Central Texas, and unless you’re living under a rock, then you’ve probably seen us, the whole great, fantastic state of Texas, in the news. What started as a lot of very unusual winter weather . . . five winter storms bringing ice and ultimately anywhere from 6-10 inches of snow, depending on where you happened to be standing, along with unheard of temps in the single digits . . . quickly devolved into a major crisis situation with power and water systems failing statewide because long story short, we. weren’t. prepared. Not even remotely.

I mean if we’re going to have a catastrophe we may as well do it right . . . can I get an amen? Everything really is bigger in Texas.

All jokes aside . . . and in complete fairness, in this part of Texas (and southward) a quarter of an inch of snow/ice is a major winter event so preparation is a very relative term.

So here we stand on the other side of what might have collectively been one of the most stressful weeks in the history of our great state. The snow has almost all melted. The roads are back to normal. Supply trucks are filling our grocery stores again. The power is back on. Water has (mostly) been restored (although, I can now add “boils water like a boss” to my resume), and repairs are underway from top to tip and east to west of the state.

And all I can say is, I’ve never been so glad to see sunshine and seventy degree temps.

This storm hit after a series of events in our personal life had already left me spent and stressed and feeling very much out of control as of late. And as anyone who has been around me for more than a minute can attest, I’m kind of a control freak. I always have a plan A and then plans B through E just for good measure, and I will admit, I put way too much confidence in my own ability to plan and keep things under control. But this past week reminded me of one the most valuable lessons I’ve yet to master here on this earth, life and the weather do not always, or even often, comply with my plans. Control, at least in the human sense, is very much an illusion. And that’s not really my jam . . . being out of control. But there’s also so much blessing in the lessons taught to me in these moments. Because the reality is, I may not be in control, even when I think I am, and placing my trust in my own ability to control things is never going to work out well for me. But I know the ONE who is completely in control. And once again, in the midst of a series of hard and stressful situations, I had to let loose of what I was holding onto and turn it all over to Him. I had to trust that when I can’t do a thing about the chaos around me, He totally and absolutely, has us.

That’s not to say we don’t use wisdom or prepare for what’s to come . . . that’s not to say that everything is always going to go perfectly and we’re never going to face anything worse than a hangnail or a headache . . . but what I do know is in the deepest valley or the highest mountaintop, I’m never alone.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:7-8

And that’s all this mentally exhausted mama has for you today. Here’s to sunshine and warmer days.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

23 . . . it’s the number of Valentine’s Days I’ve spent with Patrick.

There was a time when I would’ve said I wasn’t big on Valentine’s Day . . . that mushy declarations of love, both public and private, weren’t my thing. There was a time I would’ve said that I don’t buy into the commercialism of it all. There was a time when I let a little bit of cynicism and snarkiness creep in. But love . . . true, enduring love . . . isn’t built on commercialism and cynicism, and it doesn’t grow and flourish in the absence of nourishment.

23 Valentine’s Days together . . . almost 23 years of ups and downs . . . of fights and apologies . . . of laughter and tears . . . of grief and joy. . . of pushing through the hard and reveling in the wonderful . . . it’s all worth celebrating . . . on Valentine’s Day and every day. It’s worth cheesy cards and flowers and candy and date nights . . . whatever floats your boat . . . but it’s worth giving up the cynicism and snarkiness and honoring the love of your life.

A while back I decided good wasn’t good enough, and we weren’t settling for less than great in our marriage (pretty sure I stole some variation of that line from Brad Paisley’s song Remind Me). In a world that continually pushes for self fulfillment in relationships . . . that says, “As long as it’s good, as long as you’re meeting my needs and making me happy, I’m here, but I’ll hit the door running the second that changes” . . . I wanted to put in the work, and I wanted to pour into what we have . . . to love selflessly and give without expectation, both of which are impossible without God’s help.

I’ve written about this more than a few times. I’ve watched as marriages of people I love fall apart, and I’ve wondered why. It grieves me to see people hurting, and it grieves me to see it happening over and over. Why did something that started out so well, with so much love, not endure?

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.” Isaiah 5:20-21

And this is what I’ve realized. It’s easy to look at what you have and who you’re with and see all the faults . . . all the cracks . . . all the mistakes . . . all the brokenness . . . to miss all that is good. It’s easy to call what God says is sweet “bitter” and to decide to walk away from it the second it isn’t fulfilling you anymore. . . to look for something or someone better . . . what’s not easy? To realize that true love isn’t something that just happens, and being “in love” is a choice. It’s not a magical feeling or an accident. It’s an action that takes a whole heck of a lot of hard work.

One of the most quoted passages of scripture . . . at weddings, at vow renewals, and so many declarations of love . . . is from 1 Corinthians 13 . . .

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.“ 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a

The English language just doesn’t do justice to the word love. There are multiple words for love in the Greek language, and the kind of love that Paul is writing about here isn’t the “Eros”, romantic, kind of love. Nope, he’s talking about “Agape”, the unconditional, God kind of love. And this passage of scripture is all encompassing for and applicable to all relationships. But do not be mistaken, it most certainly includes marriage, and yes, that absolutely can and should cover the “Eros”, romantic, kind of love which is very much an integral part of marriage, but it covers so much more. Because this is love in action. It’s the same love talked about in 1 Peter 4:8, ” . . . love covers a multitude of sins.” It’s the love that’s willing to do the work in the good times, the great times, and the really hard times. It’s love that endures the test of time, and it’s love that only God can equip us to give.

So today, I will tell you, I very much love and am in love with my husband, and he loves me, and I’m proud of that. Not in a boastful way, but in the kind of way that realizes that it’s only by the grace and mercy of God that we are able to love like this. And yes, we have all those mushy, gushy feelings (and I’m not even embarrassed to say it) . . . sometimes . . . and sometimes, we get irritated and annoyed . . . sometimes, we argue and don’t agree . . . sometimes, we’re exhausted and stressed and worried . . . sometimes, we’re distracted and busy and we just forget to stop and acknowledge each other . . . but sometimes, more and more, we remember . . . we remember that what God has given us is very very good, and we have a responsibility to nurture and fertilize and water what God has given us in one another.

On this Valentine’s Day, that’s what I want for other couples and marriages . . . for you to know that no matter how dismal your situation may look today, if you’ll turn to God and turn it over to Him . . . if you’ll let Him lead you and guide you and equip you . . . He can and will do amazing things in your marriage. And if you’re single, the “curse” of Valentine’s Day for so many, let me tell you this, that Agape love is not exclusive to any relationship, and God is the author and the perfecter of that love. He loves you totally unconditionally . . . so much that He sacrificed His son for you . . . for me . . . for all of us. So as cliché as it may feel and sound, single or not, let your Heavenly Father love you well on this Valentine’s Day and every day because no love will ever compare to or fulfill like His.

* And, as always, please read my (rather long) disclaimer . . . it takes two to tango, and when I talk about marriages and relationships, I’m talking about two people that, at the very least, have a minimal level of respect for one another and are willing to show that respect. Abuse, physical or emotional, is always a no-go, and make no mistake, love doesn’t hurt others. Loving someone doesn’t mean you allow them to harm you. “Suffers long” in the above passage of scripture means you persevere and are patient, but it doesn’t mean you are abused. You need to get help and remove yourself if you’re in that situation (there are resources to help, and depending on where you live, I can direct you to websites and organizations with more info). Wise counsel can help you determine what your next steps should be. Same goes for infidelity, especially with an unrepentant spouse. Sometimes, the only safe and wise course is separation and ultimately divorce, and if you are being counseled to stay in an abusive, damaging relationship find different counsel (and that may mean finding a different church . . . but fighting for your marriage does not equate to submitting to abuse). Also, “there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus . . .”. I never want to make anyone feel condemned for past mistakes or choices. I want to offer hope and a path to healthy loving, Godly relationships in marriage and in life and most definitely, with God. Start where you are today and move forward. Jesus loves you, and if you know Him, you’re forgiven so don’t sit in guilt and condemnation for what is behind you.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

We closed the door on 2020 and marched, face forward, into 2021 thinking, “surely this year will be better”. But with the changing of the year, one year slipping away, another entering, all that is hard, all that is challenging, even all that is good, does not automatically evaporate. Fresh starts are beautiful. It’s a beautiful and necessary thing to move forward, but the reality is, most of us were moving forward carrying the hard, the heartache, the grief, the exhaustion . . . into the New Year with us. It’s not as if the turn of the year magically erased all that had transpired in 2020.

2020 was not the worst year of my life. I actually refuse to give any year that title because nothing, no year, no month, no day . . . nothing . . . is all good or all bad. But 2020 cannot even get the title of “Most Challenging Year”. Although, I think it ran a very close second. Still it brought with it growth and sweet, precious moments that I will forever cherish, and because it brought me those things, even in the hardest moments, I wouldn’t change it.

Like so many of you, I carried some of the hard of 2020 into 2021. We didn’t get to totally start a new book or even a new chapter because as the new year entered there was grief and heartache and unanswered questions that plowed straight past December 31, 2020 and into January 1, 2021.

And you know what? That’s okay. That’s how life is. That’s where lessons are learned. That’s where growth happens. That’s where I get to stop, and turn, and say, “Jesus, this burden is too big. I need You to carry it for me.” This past year, and in particular, these past few months, have brought with them so many questions, so many prayers, and so much opportunity to lean into Jesus. Some resolution has come, but not every question has been answered. And I know that this side of heaven, I may not ever fully understand. Not every situation turned out the way I wanted. And not all the heartache and grief have completely lifted.

But still, I will continue to press into my Savior. I will continue to say that God is good and does good (Psalm 119:68).

Jesus . . . He also came into 2021 with me, and He’ll continue with me, sometimes walking alongside me, other times carrying me, always my ever present help, as long as I walk this earth and straight into eternity.

I will ask hard questions. I will seek His comfort. I will trust Him to heal the pain, and bring peace when it doesn’t make sense. And I will praise Him and thank Him for all the good He brings even in the challenging times. Because, as I said before, nothing is all bad or all good, and 2021 will be no different. It will hold it’s hard beside it’s beauty. We will find sweetness in grief and joy in heartbreak. We will make beautiful memories and laugh and love in the midst of the imperfect, and we will carry all of that forward with us as well.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

I don’t think these are uncommon questions. My last post, On Following Others and Leaning Into God and His Word Personally . . . Striking a Balance . . . , was all about the importance of seeking God for yourself. Not to discredit or marginalize the need for teachers, pastors, ministers, and so on, but to understand that there is a point where we need to open the bible and pray and study and read on our own.

The question so often heard is “How ? “How do I go about applying this practice in my own life?” Y’all, I’m far from an expert, and every time I think I’ve figured it out, I feel like I have to shift and pivot. Plus, every person is different. Every relationship with God is different, and even within my own personal life and relationship with Jesus, my how, varies and evolves with different phases of my life . . .because the reality is my how during the full blown quarantine of the pandemic looked very different than when my kids are both in school full time. Different seasons and circumstances bring different needs and purposes and stages of growth, and how everything looks right now, with one young-ish kiddo and one teenager at home, is going to look drastically different than a few years from now when one is out of the house and the youngest graduates to the role of teenager . . . Jesus take the wheel. Life changes and we adjust, but regardless, the most important how I have to figure out is how to keep God front and center.

So with that, I’m going to share a bit of what works for me. Just keep in mind, that these aren’t hard, fast rules, and I’m not an expert. Maybe some of this will work for you. Maybe none of it will, but I think it’s always good to get ideas from others when we’re trying to flesh out what works for us.

1. First, I try to find a time where I can pray and read the bible in peace . . . and by peace I mean “silence” so for me it is literally “a quiet time”. Right now, while my kids are in school, that’s very early in the morning. For some people it doesn’t matter when they do this, but I really need to sit down and have this time before our day gets crazy because it sets the tone and keeps me from being a total grump throughout the day. Monday through Thursday I try to be up and ready to go before 6:00 (Fridays and weekends I’m a bit more flexible). Then it’s me, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit, a large cup of coffee, and a prayer that my youngest doesn’t come busting out of her room the second I sit down. And y’all sometimes she completely crashes my party. It takes everything in me to not get irritated, sometimes I do, but again, different phases mean I learn to adjust and adjust again . . . going with the flow is not my thing. God’s working on me.
2. I typically start with prayer. This is really where I need the silence so I can focus on communicating with God because quieting my mind (and my body) is not easy for me. It’s not that I never pray at any other time, but I feel like this is my uninterrupted quality time to focus and pray about all the things from my marriage, to my kids, to extended family, to needs of friends . . . the list is long and very comprehensive. This is the time to be thankful and ask the Holy Spirit to help and guide me. I keep a running prayer list in my journal where I can add to, mark things off, make notes, etc. And this prayer time is far more important than my cup of coffee. I’ll tell you that much.
3. After I pray, I move on to studying the word. I intentionally do not use anything outside of my bible here unless I’m looking up a word meaning or comparing different bible translations. This is where I want God to reveal Himself, through His word, to me. So I save the sermons, teachings, podcasts, books, devos, etc. for later in the day. All of those things are good, but this is the time when I try to steer clear of any other influences no matter how good they are. That’s not to say that you have to or need to do it this way. For much of my life I used devotional books as a starting point before diving into the word (which is a great thing to do if you’re struggling to figure out where to start . . . and I highly recommend Priscilla Shirer’s devotional book Awaken if you’re looking for something that has a lot meat and substance). For the past year or two, I’ve been focusing on reading through one book of the bible beginning to end (not all in the same day). Somedays, I’m pressed for time and only read half a chapter while others I may read a few chapters, and while I love love love the bible app on my phone, I use my real deal bible during this time. I take notes both in my journal and in my bible. I write down questions that are going through my head. I ask the Holy Spirit to clarify things for me and speak to me during this time. There are days, I can fill pages and pages with notes. And other days, there isn’t a lot there, but even when the notes and answers to questions aren’t readily forthcoming . . . even when there don’t seem to be big, earth shattering, eye opening revelations . . . I know God is still at work. I know He’s doing a good thing.

So all of that to say this. These are the things that work for me. And if you find them useful, fantastic! If you don’t, then don’t try to force yourself to do what doesn’t work. Just find some time with alone with God. Find some time to read your bible and pray. Use a devotional book or a bible study or just dive right into the word. Whether it be morning, afternoon, or evening, just do it. I promise He’ll meet you wherever and whenever it happens. And the more time you spend with Him, the more time you’ll want to spend with Him.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

One of my favorite things to do while working out, cleaning, cooking . . . just doing all those daily life things . . . is to put on a podcast, a sermon, or a teaching by one of my favorite bible teachers, preachers, or christian podcasters.

I “follow” a lot of different people, and I’m not going to name any of them here because that’s not the point of this. I love gleaning and learning from those called into the ministry in one way or another, but here’s the thing, the very dangerous “trap”, if you will, that I think so many Christians, myself included, easily fall into, we elevate these teachers to a place they were never meant to be and rely on them for all of our biblical wisdom rather than praying, seeking God, and studying the bible for ourselves. I follow these men and women of God. I listen to and learn from them, and I will continue to listen to and learn from them. But I must never forget that they are human. They are not infallible. Only God is perfect, and these men and women are not to be put up on a pedestal and idolized.

So there are three things I do as I listen to and learn from others and seek to study God’s word for myself:

1. When I hear a teaching that is something pretty obviously new or even something I’ve heard before but question (and if you’re new to Christianity it may all seem “new” so I encourage you to lean into study and fellowship with both other believers and also on your own), I first ask myself, “Does this not only not contradict God’s word, but does it align with both God’s word and His nature? Is scripture being manipulated and twisted to fit the narrative of the teacher? What is the context?” All of these things are so important. On a personal note, my husband will regularly call me out if I take a solitary scripture and misuse it out of context (don’t worry, he’ll do it to you too). Let’s be real, it’s not my favorite thing, but it keeps me accountable. We often hear of a “fresh word . . . a fresh revelation” . . . from God . . . but y’all, to be really clear, if it doesn’t align with God’s word, the bible, and His nature then it’s not from Him. If the interpretation of the scripture is something we’ve never heard, and we’re just not for sure, then we need to dig deeper, we need to study and pray and seek wisdom on whether or not it’s an accurate interpretation.
2. Which leads into the second point and practice . . . I love to use devotionals, studies, and teachings as a starting point. But I need to crack the bible open for myself. I need to read scripture in context. I need to study it on my own. Sometimes I pull up concordances and lexicons and various commentaries, but the reality is, for the most part, the bible is not a super confusing book. Are there passages of scripture that are harder to grasp and understand? Absolutely. And that’s why we have pastors and teachers and ministers to help us when we have questions. Having said that, over a lifetime of reading God’s word, I’ve found that the more I read and study and pray for the Holy Spirit to help me when reading, the more I am able to grasp. But make no mistake, the bible was written for you and for me to read. And there will be times when we look at scriptures we’ve read a thousand times before and see them in a new light because of our current circumstances. Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Further, someone else should not always be the one to tell us what we are thinking and believing regarding God’s word. And before anyone flips out, again, I am not discounting the need for theologically sound bible teaching. It is so incredibly necessary. But the bible is there for us to dive into personally. That’s where our intimate relationship with Jesus is developed*
3. I don’t just follow one or two people when it comes to teaching and preaching. Proverbs 11:14 “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” I am picky about who it is that I learn from, but I also try to listen to and learn from a variety of voices. I think it’s easier to fall into idolizing a person when we are single mindedly only listening to one or two people’s teachings. No one person is going to get it right 100% of the time. We all fall short. That’s a fact that we have to accept, but if what is being taught puts a check in my spirit more often than not, if the teaching doesn’t pretty consistently line up with the word and is more opinion than bible teaching, and/or the character of the teacher is not matching the character that a man or woman of God should have, then, no matter how much I love them as a person, they are not going to be a voice I choose to follow.

At the end of the day, I want people to know that Jesus wants a relationship with them, personally. That’s really the cry of my heart. That you can have that relationship intimately and personally with Jesus. So yes, definitely, listen to teachers and preachers . . . use bible studies and devotionals and commentaries . . . read books and teachings both new and from those that have gone before us . . . go to church (obviously, this past year has been weird with COVID so be safe and use wisdom)! These are all essential and intricate facets of our growth that we cannot ignore. Disregarding the need for sound teaching and fellowship as believers is dangerous because they are very necessary parts of the foundation of our faith, but they are not the only parts. You also need to know that you can and should pray (which is a whole other post . . . but y’all don’t complicate prayer . . . it’s simply communication with God), and read, and learn from the bible on your own with the help of the Holy Spirit because that’s where deep growth happens. If you’re looking for a place to start, the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John . . . particularly the book of John) are a great starting point.

* Note: As far as bible translations, we are careful in our home about which we use. Personally, my husband and I both use the NKJV. I’ll often reference The Amplified or the NASB versions, and I’ll sometimes use the NIV for comparison. I’ll also look up the original text in the Hebrew or Greek to see what the words were originally. Bible Hub is a great resource for digging a bit deeper. Some translations are word for word (which is what I mostly prefer), some are thought for thought (the NIV falls in this category . . . a lot of people are big on being anti-NIV, but overall, it’s very good and one of the easier translations to read, and our son uses the NIV alongside the NKJV), and some are paraphrased (which, if I’m honest, we are both the most cautious with and do not often use). I’m not going to dive any deeper into the strengths and weaknesses of the various translations. There are a lot of great resources by real experts out there. I have linked a chart comparing most translations here. Just take the time to know what you’re reading. And I will add this, if the scripture in the translation you’re using is wildly different than anything you’ve ever seen before, you need to proceed with caution.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Biggest. Lie. Ever.

Words . . . words spoken . . . words written . . . words matter.

I’m a words person. Whether I’m speaking, writing, reading, or listening to them, words are my thing. And the easiest way to get on my good side is to use the right words (hint . . . hint). It’s no surprise that my primary love language* is Words of Affirmation, but I’d venture that no matter who you are (and whatever your love language may be), the words that others say (or don’t say) matter hugely.

Our words carry weight. Our words carry power. Words can be a weapon to hurt or a balm to bring healing. But make no mistake. Words matter.

And I have zero doubt that God not only knew that, He intended that. He used words to speak our world and our very being into existence. And while we don’t, thankfully, wield the same power with our words as our Creator, the words we speak to others and to ourselves carry no small amount of weight.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

I’ve often heard this scripture tossed around as a way for people to get what they want . . . “just say it, and you can have it” . . . but I think it’s far more than that. I believe that it’s an admonition to use our words carefully. To use them to build others up . . . to bring healing rather than hurt . . . to speak truth to lies and bring light to the darkness.

Make no mistake, there will be times when the truth is hard to hear and accept, but as I’ve said so many times before truth should always be spoken with grace. And there is absolutely no room for the speaking or the glorifying of words that are harmful and detrimental and that tear others down regardless of how we feel about them. Those words are a far from truth and will always bring harm.

I pulled up the words “death” (4194) and “life” (2425b) in Strong’s. Shockingly (read with a bit of sarcasm) “death” literally means death, and “life” literally means life (and side note: we often complicate the word of God where it is very clear and straight forward). Because words are so important to me, I know how to use them for both good and bad, and I’m not proud of the fact that I can and have used my own words as a weapon. But the fact is, our words, my words, are going to produce fruit one way or another, and we’re are going to eat that fruit. So we had best be sure that the words we speak bring life to all who hear them.

Sticks and stones will break bones . . . and bones can heal. Our physical bodies can heal. But the words we speak, once they are said, can never be taken back, and the damage they can do or the life they bring can last far longer than any physical injury.

Copyright 2021, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved 

The writings and images contained within this site are the intellectual property of this writer unless otherwise noted, and may not be copied or used without express permission of the author.

* The 5 Love Languages