The Beautiful and the Hard . . .

Christ Born of Mary

2 And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. ²This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. ³So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

⁴Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, ⁵to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. ⁶So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. ⁷And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Glory in the Highest

⁸Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. ⁹And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. ¹⁰Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. ¹¹For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. ¹²And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

¹³And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

¹⁴“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

¹⁵So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” ¹⁶And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. ¹⁷Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. ¹⁸And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. ¹⁹But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.

Jesus didn’t come to earth in a picture-perfect moment. Can you imagine? Mary . . . nine months pregnant, exhausted, uncomfortable, terrified, in pain . . . Joseph . . . frantic to find a place to rest before this baby, the Savior of the world, made His entrance. How they must’ve felt when they realized that only a stable would be available for the King of the Kings.

We so often romanticize Jesus’s birth. Mary sitting demurely, smiling without a care in the world. The baby Jesus, laying so perfectly peaceful in the manger. But I would imagine that like any new mother Mary felt all the things . . . awe and fear, tears and pain were all part of Jesus’s entrance in humanity. And then the shepherds came straight from the fields. The first people to worship the King of Kings, weren’t in fine apparel or bearing expensive gifts . . . those would come later . . . but the first were some of the humblest and the poorest, uneducated and unaccepted by society.

The first Christmas was hard and beautiful . . . perfectly imperfect . . . full of joy, but at the same time, full of questions without answers. That’s so much of life. Much like Mary and Joseph, we don’t see the big picture, the one-million-foot view. Maybe this Christmas you’re sitting in the hard and the beautiful. Full of joy, but also, full of questions. I don’t need to remind you that it’s not about the “picture-perfect” Christmas, the perfect gifts, the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect decorations . . . all of that is fine. But it’s also okay to sit in the hard today. It’s okay if it’s not all perfect. If there are more questions than answers today.

I pray that today, and every day, you know you are loved by not only the King of Kings, but also, the Prince of Peace. That whatever your Christmas looks like, you feel the deep abiding peace and joy that can only come from knowing Him.

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

– Isaiah 9:6

And Suddenly They’re Almost Grown . . .

The kids are both back in school. This summer felt simultaneously insanely fast and unbelievably long. Some of it was hard. A lot of it was fun. And now, it’s over. If only the temperature would catch up to the calendar.

Monday morning, I rolled out of bed, way too early, to see my oldest off on his first day of school. He was leaving for morning football practice around 6:00 a.m. I made him take a picture, not in his uniform, like the past eleven years, but in his workout clothes. Then, for the first time, he said, “Bye mom . . . see you tonight . . . love you,” and drove himself to his first day of school, and I stood there with tears in my eyes, realizing how so many of his firsts are rapidly approaching his lasts.

Here’s the thing. They’re not really tears of sadness. But these moments? They are bittersweet. I don’t want time to stand still, and if I’m honest, there’s no desire to rewind to those manic, early days of infancy and toddlerhood. I would say, however, I want to cherish these days and moments because they are so fleeting. It feels like just yesterday, I was packing both of my babies around on my hip, and now, I couldn’t pick up either one if my life depended on it.

I’ve written about it before, the saying, “The days are long, but the years are short.” I just happen to feel it more acutely now than ever, and somehow, I don’t think that feeling is going to let up any time soon.

I am no longer a mother to babies. I’m not even a mother to little children. I have an eleven-year-old and an almost seventeen-year-old. Anna loves to remind me that she is a “pre-teen”, and Andrew, he’s a young adult. This year has brought me a lot of perspective. I’m more than just okay with them growing and becoming more independent. I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful to be able to witness each moment. I’m grateful for the struggles and frustrations and growing pains that come along with it. I realize it is both a joy and privilege, on even the hardest of days, to watch these two grow into the people God created them to be. But you’d better know that while they’re doing all that, I’m going to be right here, soaking in and cherishing each moment as they grow and grow up.

It’s Been a Minute . . .

If you follow me on personal social media or know me in real life, you already know what’s been going on. But for the five of you that only know me via this blog, the big question is, “Why haven’t I written since March?” Well, life happened . . . hard things happened. In March I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The best of the worst-case scenarios . . . found via a screening mammogram (get your mammogram ladies) . . . a non-aggressive, slow growing tumor that thankfully had not spread. Still, it’s not a diagnosis anyone wants or expects to get. But here we are . . . or were as the case may be.

The last few months looked something like this:

Meet the surgeon
More imaging
Surgery (get that sucker removed)
Recovery
Meet the medical and radiation oncologists
Follow up with the surgeon
Radiation simulation
Radiation treatment – four weeks – every weekday (finished a week ago today)

I’m not done, but I am entering a new phase of treatment. Tomorrow, I meet with the med onc again to discuss the maintenance phase of this whole journey, and then it’s on to meds daily and checkups with my different doctors every three to six months indefinitely.

And as I look back, I can also say the last few months have also looked something like this:

Receive so much support from friends and family.
Continue to make (mostly) healthy choices – I have been able to run and lift weights and row and even jump rope (with some time off for recovery as needed).
Be a part of an amazing team that hosted a successful fundraiser dinner and auction for the athletic program at my son’s school.
Realize that tomorrow is not promised, but we also serve an amazing God who loves us.
Make it to almost every single varsity track meet. See my oldest advance to state in both the 400m and the 800m.
Enjoy almost all of the end of the school year activities with both of my kids . . . including a kickball tournament for my youngest and awards programs for both.
Travel to Washington D.C. with my son’s U.S. History class. Such an amazing and fun trip. We walked 45 miles in five days and saw so much. I am forever thankful for the blessing of being able to go.
Celebrate my 43rd birthday!
Do all the normal daily things that make my world go round . . . cook, clean, do laundry, hang out with my family, go to church, pray, and worship . . .

Yes, there are definitely days when fatigue has hit me hard. But also, there are so many days that are just a huge blessing. Days where God has shown up and shown Himself to be so good and so faithful. It’s not a journey I would’ve chosen, and it’s not something I would wish anyone. But it’s the path I’m walking. I’ve had to fight fear and anxiety like never before. I’ve had to truly give up control and step back and realize that God is in control, and He. Loves. Me. Full stop.

I’ve found a lot of comfort in Psalm 23 over these past few months. It’s probably one of the most well-known, if not the most well-known, Psalms. Yet, for me it just means more . . . more than it ever has before.

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

¹The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.

²He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.

³He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him—not for my earning it, but] for His name’s sake.

⁴Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.

⁶Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

Without a doubt, I know I’m not the only one walking a hard road right now. We all have challenges this side of heaven. We’re not promised an easy life, but we are promised that, if we know Jesus as our Savior, we will never walk through anything alone. He restores us. He leads us. He gives us rest and peace . . . even when we’re seated right in front of our enemies. That’s the promise I hold onto. I don’t know what tomorrow or next month or next year will bring, but I know God is already there preparing for me a table in the presence of my enemies.

The Good News . . .

Matthew 28:1-10

He Is Risen

Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it. His countenance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like dead men.

But the angel answered and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. Behold, I have told you.”

So they went out quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to bring His disciples word.

The Women Worship the Risen Lord

And as they went to tell His disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, “Rejoice!” So they came and held Him by the feet and worshiped Him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell My brethren to go to Galilee, and there they will see Me.”

Can you even imagine? The sorrow turned to joy . . . the mourning turned to dancing . . . we serve a risen Savior! Nothing more needs to be added to this beautiful news. The only question I have is “Do you know Him?” Do you know my Jesus? Because I cannot imagine walking through this life without Him.

The Silence of Saturday

“Saturday was silent
Surely it was through
But since when has impossible
Ever stopped You?
Friday’s disappointment
Is Sunday’s empty tomb
Since when has impossible
Ever stopped You?”¹

“Saturday was silent” … I hate the silence. The days when there seems to be no answer. The moments when you feel unseen, unheard, lost …

The mistake is we think silence equals inaction on God’s part. We believe He’s not listening to our cries or hearing our prayers. But just because we don’t see or hear God moving, doesn’t mean He’s not. Saturday was silent, but Sunday was coming.

I will go before you And make the crooked places straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze And cut the bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness And hidden riches of secret places, That you may know that I, the Lord, Who call you by your name, Am the God of Israel.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭45‬:‭2‬-‭3‬

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. “For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. “For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree, And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree; And it shall be to the Lord for a name, For an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55‬:‭8‬-‭13‬ ‭

Rattle: Elevation Worship. Songwriters: Steven Furtick, Brandon Lake. ↩︎

“Good” Friday

If I’m telling the truth, I don’t feel like writing. Life has been tough lately. We’re facing some challenges in our family that are just hard, and I’m emotionally and physically worn out. I despise vague posts, comments, etc. . . . where people hint at problems but don’t reveal them. Having said that, I know that’s what I’m doing here. There will come a time when I share more about what is going on, but for now, it’s something that I’m keeping within the circle of those we know in “real life”.

But that doesn’t mean that I can’t share what I’m learning in this process.

I’m learning, not just in my head, but in my heart, that I serve a God that is faithful and trustworthy and good and loving. I “know” those things. I’ve been in church since I was a baby. I vividly remember being six years old, and one night, all alone, telling Jesus I wanted Him to live in my heart forever. I knew, I still know, He loved me enough to die for me . . . to sacrifice everything to forgive me of my sins. And yet, it’s in the face of one of the biggest tests and trials of my life that it truly becomes a reality. That I have to ask myself if I really believe He is everything He says He is. Am I going to trust my Savior? Not just as my Redeemer but also as my Healer. Do I really believe the Holy Spirit is my Comforter and Counselor? Do I truly understand that I serve a Heavenly Father that loves me infinitely and unconditionally? I don’t know that I’ll ever fully grasp all of that this side of Heaven, but I also know, He’s working in me. He’s transforming my heart day by day.

There was nothing seemingly “good” about Good Friday. Can you imagine the absolute oppression and depression, the disappointment and heartbreak, of the friends, family, and followers of Jesus? The darkness that seemed as if it would never lift . . . what they didn’t know or understand, is that while they were mourning and breaking under the weight of the most immense loss they had ever felt, God was at work. God is always at work. And Sunday was coming . . . Jesus was about to rise again. That’s the good news of the darkest day in the history of the world. Jesus is alive and seated at the right hand of the Father. We are deeply and intimately and unconditionally loved and understood. We are redeemed, and we are forgiven. We have a Savior . . . we have the Holy Spirit to lead and guide and comfort . . . we have our Heavenly Father who sees us and loves us. All we have to do is accept it.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Matthew 27:35-66

Then they crucified Him, and divided His garments, casting lots, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet:

“They divided My garments among them,
And for My clothing they cast lots.”

Sitting down, they kept watch over Him there. And they put up over His head the accusation written against Him:

THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

Then two robbers were crucified with Him, one on the right and another on the left.

And those who passed by blasphemed Him, wagging their heads and saying, “You who destroy the temple and build it in three days, save Yourself! If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross.”

Likewise the chief priests also, mocking with the scribes and elders, said, “He saved others; Himself He cannot save. If He is the King of Israel, let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe Him. He trusted in God; let Him deliver Him now if He will have Him; for He said, ‘I am the Son of God.’ ”

Even the robbers who were crucified with Him reviled Him with the same thing.

Jesus Dies on the Cross

Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour there was darkness over all the land. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

Some of those who stood there, when they heard that, said, “This Man is calling for Elijah!” Immediately one of them ran and took a sponge, filled it with sour wine and put it on a reed, and offered it to Him to drink.

The rest said, “Let Him alone; let us see if Elijah will come to save Him.”

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit.

Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many.

So when the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

And many women who followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to Him, were there looking on from afar, among whom were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.

Jesus Buried in Joseph’s Tomb

Now when evening had come, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph, who himself had also become a disciple of Jesus. This man went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be given to him. When Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and laid it in his new tomb which he had hewn out of the rock; and he rolled a large stone against the door of the tomb, and departed. And Mary Magdalene was there, and the other Mary, sitting opposite the tomb.

Pilate Sets a Guard

On the next day, which followed the Day of Preparation, the chief priests and Pharisees gathered together to Pilate, saying, “Sir, we remember, while He was still alive, how that deceiver said, ‘After three days I will rise.’ Therefore command that the tomb be made secure until the third day, lest His disciples come by night and steal Him away, and say to the people, ‘He has risen from the dead.’ So the last deception will be worse than the first.”

Pilate said to them, “You have a guard; go your way, make it as secure as you know how.” So they went and made the tomb secure, sealing the stone and setting the guard.

One Foot in Front of the Other

My husband pointed out to me the other day that it had been a very long time since I had written anything. The truth is February was a rough month in our house. I think we were all sick for some portion of the month. I had two different viruses over the course of a couple weeks, one that left me in bed for quite a few days which is unusual for me. Then just as we were coming out of February and into March, I was faced with some other health issues which, without going into a lot of detail, I’m still working and praying through and waiting to hear back on. Add to that, the normal chaos of our lives, and honestly, some days I’m doing good to just keep pushing forward.

All that to say, I have, for my entire life, had to fight hard against fear. If I’m honest there have been times, not just in the distant past, when I let fear settle in, and I started to spiral. I’m so thankful that I serve a Savior that rather than hold that against me, picks me up, and basically says, “Let’s try this again.”

This morning, as my youngest was getting ready to leave she said, “Mom, will you say my prayers with me?” This was something we used to do every morning on the way to school, but since my oldest started driving, my husband takes her to school now. I think most days they do pray, but he’s kind of taken over that morning role. So, when she asked today, I was happy to oblige. Part of that routine is praying scripture, and I know some people get all bent out of shape when it comes to taking scriptures (especially old testament scripture) and applying them to our lives now. Here’s where I’ve landed on that after a lot of time spent praying, I know for certain that God through the power of the Holy Spirit, has led me time and again to the book of Isaiah (to name just one of the places I’ve been led). I know that the book of Isaiah was written directly to and for the children of Israel, and yet Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” God is not bound by time and place nor is His word, and while I thoroughly believe that understanding of the context and audience of a scripture or scriptures is very important, the Bible isn’t just a history lesson to be studied and learned from. It is active and alive. It is intimately, applicable to us today.

And so we said our prayers . . . we don’t pray all of these words from Isaiah 54:10-17, but we do pray a big chunk of them. I think Isaiah 54 is one of the most beautiful chapters in God’s word. It is speaking of the redemption of Israel, and yet, in it, we see mirrored our own redemption.

¹⁰ “For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,”
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

¹¹ “O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
¹²I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
¹³All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
¹⁴In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.
¹⁵Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake.

¹⁶“Behold, I have created the blacksmith
Who blows the coals in the fire,
Who brings forth an instrument for his work;
And I have created the spoiler to destroy.
¹⁷No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.

Over the past almost decade, God has drawn me back to these words over and over to remind me of who and whose I am. To remind me of Who He is. I don’t say them flippantly. I don’t see them as some hocus pocus incantation to get whatever I want. What I can say is that the same God that loves Israel with an everlasting love, loves me just as deeply and just as infinitely.

Fear is going to come, but we cannot let fear take hold. As someone who likes to be in control, this is hard for me, but I know the God of the universe is in control. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel fear. It doesn’t mean that I love the uncertainty or don’t feel anxiety about the possible outcomes of what is ahead. What it means over and over, if I have to do it 1000 times a day and then 1000 times more, I will turn this back to God. I will press into His word and into Him. I will not, as much as I want to, hide under my actual or proverbial covers.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. – 2 Timothy 1:7

Continual Transformation

Hi my name is Courtney . . .

Just in case you’ve forgotten who I am.

I’ve had about 40 different ideas rolling around in my head for the past three weeks or so, but absolutely no spare time to sit and write. It’s the season we’re in, and that’s cool.

But today, I had just a second, and these are the questions I’ve been pondering.

Why is it that change is so hard? Why is it that it’s so difficult to see our own faults? We all have blind spots. Why do we refuse to try to see around the proverbial blind spots and better ourselves? Again, I ask, why is change so hard?

They’re rhetorical questions, but also, they’re questions to which I’d love to have answers. And to be clear, I’m talking about myself as much as anyone else.

None of us are perfect. But it’s really hard to admit that.

We’re mostly creatures of habit, and change only for the sake of change isn’t logical. But also, refusal to change, to see things differently, to listen to others, only keeps us stagnant.

I was recently dealing with a situation where a decision made by someone else made absolutely no sense. It wasn’t about doing what was best for those involved. It was purely about digging in their heels and doing it the way it had always been done because that was how it had always been.

My response was, “I’m a rule follower. I’m all for listening to those in authority and doing what they say. BUT also, make it make sense.” Rules should make sense, and as leaders, we should be willing to step back and listen to others.

All of this leads me back to the aforementioned questions. AND it leads me to asking myself, do I do these things? Do I dig in my heels when I should be listening to others? Am I inflexible when flexibility would serve everyone best? Am I leading by example or am I using “because I said so” to get what I want? I’ve done it all. I’ve refused to listen. I’ve resisted flexibility and stood on “because I said so” more than I care to admit.

John 16:13 says, “However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.”

And

Luke 8:17, “For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light.”

These scriptures have become my prayer. For those around me, yes, but just as much for myself. That the Holy Spirit will lead me in all truth . . . even when it’s a truth about myself I don’t necessarily want to own. That the things that need to be revealed will be revealed, and the things that need to be transformed will be transformed.

I will never fully arrive this side of Heaven. That’s not how it works. But one day, when I look back at my life, I hope to see a path, a trajectory, if you will, that shows continuous growth and transformation. I pray I’m never content with just being good enough but continually avail myself to the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

And with that, I’m off to pick up one kiddo and head to basketball games for another. I’ll be back when I’m back because this is the season I’m in, and I’m learning to embrace it.

Embracing Today

The holidays flew by at lightning speed. One second it was November 1st and five minutes later it’s almost mid-January. It seems like the older we get the faster time goes. I know I’m not alone in this. I think it’s a favorite lament of those my age (ahem . . . in their 40s) and older. We love to talk about how fast time goes . . . how busy we are (my favorite complaint) . . .

I had a realization at some point in December. Somewhere between the insanity of two basketball games and a tournament and a driving test (watch out world) all in one week for my oldest plus a Christmas party and a million fun holiday activities for my youngest, I really realized, I have a 16-year-old and an almost 11-year-old. They are not babies anymore. Not even close. It’s no longer “the days are long, but the years are short”. We’ve reached the point in life where I can now declare, the days are short, and the years are even shorter, but I had a brief second just before Christmas to stop and reflect. I am the mother of a 16-year-old. Sixteen y’all. Next up is 17 and then 18! In two and a half short years he’ll be packing up and getting ready to head off to college. The years I have left with my oldest in my home are short . . . and they are busy . . . and they are full of all the things. And I can either embrace them, or I can complain about them.

I didn’t get as many books read in 2023 as I wanted. I didn’t have much time to sit quietly with a cup of coffee and read. I missed a few workouts here and there, and I didn’t get to bake and make all the usual holiday treats. I have to prioritize what’s really important (ad nauseum . . . God, marriage, kids . . .), and you know where I landed? I’m happy with our crazy, full, insanely, busy life.

It’s not that I am one of those people that thrives off of never being home or constantly going. It’s that I realized that there will come a day when I have the time to sit and read with a cup of coffee that’s still warm. When I can fill my days and my schedule with more of my stuff and less of their stuff, and those will be awesome days. But that’s not today, and these days are equally as awesome.

If you’ve read any amount of my writing, you know I’m all about embracing each stage of our kids growing into the most independent people they can be. I’m not about holding onto infancy, or toddlerhood, or childhood . . . I’m a huge fan of encouraging them and allowing them to grow up and become who God has created them to be. Some days that’s really tough. It’s tough to shut up and let them fail. It’s tough not to step in and control everything. Other days, and more and more with my oldest, it’s actually kind of enjoyable. Watching him grow from a boy to a young man is such an honor. With my youngest, who does have some developmental delays, every step toward more independence is a privilege to watch and be a part of. Wherever she lands, I’m so proud of who she is. I love watching my kids thrive and grow and learn and do the hard things in this life.

One day, I’ll sit and stare at my Christmas tree (I took it down a while ago, but you get my point) and read my books quietly. I’ll sleep past 5:45 a.m. I’ll go shopping when I want and clean my house on a schedule that makes sense and possibly, not miss my workouts . . . maybe . . . I’ll have time to cook and bake and write and travel when everyone else’s kids are in school. One day . . . But for today, I’m going all in on this season of raising and launching these two incredible young people we love so much.

Are we busy? Yes . . . we are wonderfully and insanely busy.

Are we blessed? Beyond measure.

Do I need more caffeine? Absolutely.

Here’s to 2024 . . .

Happy 2024 Y’all!

I’m sure I’m not the only one trying to wrap my head around that . . . 2024 . . . almost a quarter of the way into the 21st century. Like so many, I feel as if each year goes by just a little faster. It seems like just as quickly as we’re taking down our Christmas decorations and welcoming the new year, it’s time to put them back up and prepare to say goodbye to the old and usher in yet more new.

If you’ve read any of my past end of year/beginning of the new year musings, you know that I’m not a big fan of resolutions (if you haven’t read them and feel so inclined, they’re easy to find). For years and years, I didn’t like the start of the new year because it signaled the end of the Christmas season, it marked time flying by, and change coming at lightning speed. The past few years have seen a shift in my perception and thinking. I find myself welcoming the turning of the page into the next chapter . . . even if it seems to come all too quickly.

Instead of making resolutions or setting goals, I usually “pick” a scripture and a word to represent each year, and until this morning, I was without either. It’s not that I felt directionless or aimless or didn’t care. It’s actually quite the contrary. I feel like this year brings with it so much hope . . . 2023 was beautiful, full of adventures and fun and memories, but like every year, it also held some pretty profound grief and heartbreak. That’s the blessing of growing older, you know that joy and grief, hard and beautiful, can and do co-exist, and I look forward to continuing right where we left off with this busy, crazy, wonderful, and sometimes, challenging life God has given us. So, this morning I started out wondering if this would be the year with no resolutions, goals, words to live by, and no specific scripture . . . which let’s be real, I have an entire Bible full of specific scriptures. And then it occurred to me, I need to remain steady . . . I need to stay the course and keep on keepin’ on, if you will.

At the beginning of 2022, I landed on the word grace. I realized how desperately I not only needed it myself but needed to extend it to others. With that came the following scriptures:

“And He changes the times and the seasons;
He removes kings and raises up kings;
He gives wisdom to the wise
And knowledge to those who have understanding.
He reveals deep and secret things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And light dwells with Him.” Daniel 2:21-22

AND

“Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.” Psalm 37:3-8

For 2023 I chose the word flexibility and realized that the quest for grace needed to continue. I also decided that I needed to focus both on Godly contentment and holy discontentment when and where it was appropriate.

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13

For 2024, I will be steady. I will continue to work toward being full of grace and flexibility. I will accept that right now, we’re in a very busy season of life, and that’s okay. That someday, in the not-so-distant future there will be major changes and shifts. One day, I will have more time on my hands. But for the moment I will embrace today. I will remember that whether life is calm or chaotic, I find my peace and rest, not in hours or days with nothing on my calendar but in my Savior, my Peace . . . the Holy Spirit, my Counselor and Comforter . . . in my Heavenly Father who loves, guides, and provides through it all.

“For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:8-9

May 2024 be filled with joy despite grief, peace in the midst of turmoil, and a steadfastness that only comes from knowing Jesus as Savior.