Of All the Things, I Wrote About Sports . . . I Know . . . I’m Shocked Too

Let me talk to you people about something . . .

Sports . . . Not a normal topic of conversation around these parts.

I am, as my family and friends will tell you, not an athlete. It’s not that I’m not in shape and don’t work out. I am (in shape), and I do (work out) because I think that it’s very important to take care of myself physically. But, while I have great endurance (that’s at least partially genetic), I’m neither particularly coordinated nor particularly fast (understatement of the century), and when it comes to team sports, exercise classes, or anything competitive, the anxiety level I experience is just stupid. My family and friends will also tell you that while not athletic, I am a somewhat intense and very competitive person, and I hate . . . HATE . . . losing. So, seeing as how I’m not coordinated and all that, I learned, early in my life, that the best way to avoid not winning in sports is to not participate or compete. Because you can’t lose if you don’t take the risk. Thank you for coming to my talk on how to avoid dealing with your issues. Maybe I should write a book. I’m sure it would be a best seller.

Back to the topic of the day. . .

The fact that my oldest both plays basketball and runs track, in addition to my personal issues with sports and tendency toward competitiveness, has led to the realization that I must work hard to keep myself in check because I am that parent. I am the parent that has the potential to completely lose it and become C.R.A.Z.Y. if massive amounts of self-control are not exerted. Lots of deep breathing is necessary especially during basketball season.

Due to the aforementioned issues, I don’t usually watch sports because the level to which I become personally invested is somewhat unhealthy. I follow basketball and baseball on the internet, and my 15-year-old is obsessed with basketball, so he makes sure I know all the things that are happening . . . when I say “all the things” I mean ALL THE THINGS . . . y’all it’s way more than I ever needed to know . . . EVER. I also have a vague idea of what’s happening in baseball thanks to “the Google” and my sister, who happens to be a rabid Astros fan. But because I take it personally when “my” teams lose, I avoid watching, at least until the playoffs, in order to maintain some degree of sanity.

Enter baseball . . . specifically enter Astros baseball and the World Series . . . I have a “no watching baseball” policy in my life because of all the sports it causes me the absolute most anxiety, and I’m convinced that the length of time it causes me to stress is not good for my health. I have neither the time nor the bandwidth to watch countless games each year. So, I only watch when and if the Astros make it into the World Series . . . which they have. And now, here I am, fully in it, and let me just tell y’all, it’s killing me slowly. I’m pretty certain that four games in, at least ten years have been shaved off my life (but I’m planning to live well past 100 so I’m still good). Not to mention the fact that level of sleep deprivation under which I’m currently operating is not helping anything. How do you people deal with an entire season of this? I can’t cope with four games.

Ultimately, there is no point to all this . . . I’m just tired, and I really hope (and pray . . . even though I don’t believe in praying for a specific team to win) that the Astros win this thing in six because I seriously don’t know if I can handle anything more (or less). And if you happen to overhear someone yelling super useful things from my house like “Just hit the dang ball!” and “Pay attention!” and my personal favorite “Get your head in the game” . . . I mean I’m sure none of this has occurred to them . . . just ignore it . . . maybe I should’ve been a coach . . . because nothing makes a great coach like a lot of anxiety mixed with highly impractical and unmotivational (not a real word) advice <insert eye roll here>.

Side note: Don’t even come at me with the cheating stuff. I’m not here for it.

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