I sat there, my head spinning as I stared at my daughter’s virtual learning schedules . . . trying to figure out two conflicting schedules plus all the normal, everyday things I have to get done . . . starting at 7:30 a.m. and continuing with varying activities until 3:00 p.m. . . . two different classrooms plus multiple therapies . . . I could feel the panic and frustration starting to rise. Only three weeks, but three weeks suddenly felt like an eternity. How on earth would I ever meet my normal responsibilities while also making sure I met her school responsibilities?
I walked my son into his school to drop off supplies for the upcoming first day . . . in person . . . we wear our masks . . . not everyone does . . . and all the thoughts began to flood in. The questions as to why people are so opposed to masks (it’s rhetorical so don’t answer) . . . and the fear begins to knock . . . yes, the fear of exposure to COVID . . . yes, the fear of sickness but also, the fear of life once again coming to a screeching halt . . . of being quarantined for weeks on end . . . of my kids both having to revert to virtual learning after a short time of being back in the classroom. And over and over, the question, how will I get it all done? How will I meet everyone’s needs and expectations?
For my risk adverse, control freak self, the lack of control in our current environment can be incredibly difficult. But this is where we are right now. This is the season we are in. You know, the one where I want my kids to go back to school, but also . . . the one where we have to figure out how to move forward while seeking God for wisdom on how that should look. This is where I have to stop and give myself, and others, so much grace. No one expects perfection from me, and I shouldn’t expect perfection from others.
I’d love to wrap my family in bubble wrap, remove every risk on this earth. I’d love to micromanage every situation in a way that I *think* best meets the needs of my family. I mean, ultimately, I’d love to be the boss of the world . . . but yeah, that’s not happening (and it shouldn’t . . . ever). Truth is, when I get on a “need to control everything” kick, I’m showing a major lack of trust in God and trying to carry a burden I was never meant to carry. I was never meant to be in control, and when I am in control, I tend to make a mess of things. But God . . . always but God . . . is still on His throne, and He is still very much in control. And that is very very good.
So tomorrow, I’ll send one kiddo off to school, and I’ll sit down with one at the computer. I’ll pray that in three weeks my youngest can go back to school . . . please Jesus. I’ll do my best, whether it be with my youngest’s school work, with my family as a whole, or with juggling all of my day-to-day responsibilities. I’ll acknowledge and own that I have to let some things go, and that’s okay. I’ll pray for God’s protection over my family . . . Psalm 91, all day, everyday. I’ll ask Him for wisdom in every decision with which we are faced . . . I’ll go ahead and say it again for the people in the back, faith and wisdom are not mutually exclusive and walking in wisdom is not walking in fear. Sometimes God does tell us to stop or proceed with caution. And above all, I’ll put my trust where it should be, with my Heavenly Father. I will not expect perfection. Not from myself, and definitely, not from others.
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Sidenote: if I’m MIA for the foreseeable future, you know why . . . I’m praying for all you parents, school staff, admin, nurses, and everyone else trying to navigate this craziness right now. This too shall pass . . .
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Courtney's Contemplations . . . 