Unapologetically Me . . .

• I can be a perfectionist . . . to a fault.
• I often set the bar too high for myself and others.
• I’m driven.
• I’m bossy.
• I’m conservative in almost all respects.
• I’m passionate and compassionate.
• I’m impatient.
• I’m funny in a very dry and unfortunately, often, sarcastic sense.
• I get mad at people that drive too slowly . . . sometimes . . . a lot of times . . . I drive too fast.
• I abhor crying in front of people. But, also, I cry when I’m angry.
• Speaking of getting angry, I rarely get angry, but when I do . . . watch out.
• I love fiercely.
• I’m tenacious.
• I don’t quit . . . even when I should. But when I’m done, I’m DONE.
• I’m smart.
• I’m organized . . . I love being organized.
• I’m a worrier. I have a tendency toward anxiety.
• I’m cautious . . . or responsible . . . or fearful . . . it all depends on the situation and how you look at it.
• I love SciFi movies and books of all genres, as long as they’re fiction. And with a few exceptions, I don’t love non-fiction, unless it’s the bible, or a good devotional, or maybe, a research article or blog.
• Sometimes I read medical studies for fun.
• I’m not athletic, but I do have amazing stamina.
• I love to cook, and the kitchen is where you’ll find my “fly by the seat of my pants”, little bit of a rebel, throw the recipe out the window, creative side.
• I’m an Enneagram type 1, and the poster child for the Type A personality.

I’m me . . . the good, the great, the not so great, the ugly. I don’t believe recognizing or owning these things gives them any more or less power in who I am. Because I’m also far more than the sum of these personality traits.

And that list . . . I didn’t put it up as some kind of self deprecating humble brag. Nor did I put it up to toot my own horn. I put it up because I’ve learned, I am learning, that those things in me that are weaknesses, twisted by my flesh, are the places where God shows Himself strong. And those things in me that are strengths, I need to let God refine them and use them.

For a lot of my life I didn’t see myself as good enough. And I would try to hide the things about myself that I thought weren’t so “cool” so people didn’t think less of me. Because being too smart, or too “nerdy”, or loving SciFi, or reading too many books is definitely not “cool” <insert eye roll>. I feel like I spent so much time during the first half of my life trying to make others like me . . . trying to measure up, but never really being who God created me to be. I can remember in college, when I finally realized that people actually liked me for who I was, that was a major, eye-opening moment for me. I’ve also wondered how much easier life (junior high? high school? . . . ) would’ve been had I learned this lesson a little sooner. But the hardest lessons, those most worth learning, take time.

And, now, at almost 39, I’m more confident in who I am than I’ve ever been before. Some people will love me. Other people won’t. I’m okay with both.

And none of this confidence is because of me, but because of Him in me. I often joke that I was born an adult, and so with each passing year, instead of feeling like I’m getting older, I feel like I’m growing into myself. And there was a time, I couldn’t see that. There were a lot of years I just felt out of place. But God . . . it’s always, “but God” . . . has shown me, with each year that comes and goes, that I am exactly who He created me to be. That doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. That doesn’t mean that I’ve arrived. That most certainly doesn’t mean I won’t mess things up royally from time to time, or say the wrong thing, or offend someone. I’m still growing and learning and being refined. But it does mean that I can be confident in who I am. That I have value and worth because I’m a child of the most high King. That I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”, and because of that, I can be unapologetically me.

I say all that to, finally, say this (there is a point . . . I promise), the same God that created me, that placed the moon and the stars in the heavens, that spoke the world into existence, that sent His Son to die for my sins, He also created you. And you are beautiful, and unique, and have value because of that. So be proud of that. Own your good, He placed it there. Own your quirks and all the little things that make you uniquely you, He placed those there too. Let Him work on the not so good and even, the ugly, but never be ashamed of being who God created you to be. Never be ashamed of being truly you.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14

Copyright 2020, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved         

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