A Mirror, Dimly

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.” 1 Corinthians 13:11-12 NKJV

Before I ever had children . . . before I was ever married . . . probably even before I met my husband, I knew somewhere, in the deepest part of me, that I would adopt someday. But had you asked me what that would look like, I wouldn’t have been able to give you a clear idea of what adoption would even mean in my life. It was just a desire that was there as far back as I could remember, and that desire was deeply intertwined with my desire to be a mother someday.

Fast forward many years, I was married, I was ready to be a mom, and the desire to adopt was buried beneath all of the worries and concerns of daily living. It’s not that I never thought about adoption. I did, but once I became pregnant with Andrew, I figured we would go down the road of having children the biological way, and maybe one day, in the distant future, entertain the idea of adopting. I just couldn’t see how adoption fit into my perfectly laid out plan.

Of course we all know that even the best laid plans . . .

I ended up having very serious third trimester complications with Andrew which resulted in an emergency C-section at 35 weeks gestation, and soon afterward, my doctor stood in my hospital room and explained to me that, yes, another pregnancy was possible but would be very high risk. And suddenly all of my plans were completely upended.

I’m normally not the type of person that pivots quickly from one direction to another, but in this instance, what should’ve brought me grief instead brought a new found sense of hope and purpose. Because that seed, that desire to adopt, that had been planted so many years before began to grow, and there was a clarity regarding adoption, that hadn’t been there even 24 hours before.

I don’t believe God does harmful things to us to teach us a lesson or lead us in a certain direction, but I do believe that He uses the things that happen to us, both good and bad, to mold us and grow us for His good. And I believe He knows. He knows the end from the beginning. I don’t know have all the answers as to why things happen, and I can’t always wrap my mind around exactly why God allows certain things. But I know without a doubt that He sees what we don’t, and He is good and does good.

Over 20 years ago, God planted the desire to adopt in my heart knowing that one day that dormant seed would come to life. It would be another three years before we decided to take the next step towards adoption, but Andrew’s premature birth started us down a path which would change our lives forever. It was to be the hardest, most beautiful, earth shattering, and life changing journey we would ever take . . .

Copyright 2019, Courtney G Davis, All Rights Reserved

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