It’s Been a Minute . . .

If you follow me on personal social media or know me in real life, you already know what’s been going on. But for the five of you that only know me via this blog, the big question is, “Why haven’t I written since March?” Well, life happened . . . hard things happened. In March I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The best of the worst-case scenarios . . . found via a screening mammogram (get your mammogram ladies) . . . a non-aggressive, slow growing tumor that thankfully had not spread. Still, it’s not a diagnosis anyone wants or expects to get. But here we are . . . or were as the case may be.

The last few months looked something like this:

  • Meet the surgeon
  • More imaging
  • Surgery (get that sucker removed)
  • Recovery
  • Meet the medical and radiation oncologists
  • Follow up with the surgeon
  • Radiation simulation
  • Radiation treatment – four weeks – every weekday (finished a week ago today)

I’m not done, but I am entering a new phase of treatment. Tomorrow, I meet with the med onc again to discuss the maintenance phase of this whole journey, and then it’s on to meds daily and checkups with my different doctors every three to six months indefinitely.

And as I look back, I can also say the last few months have also looked something like this:

  • Receive so much support from friends and family.
  • Continue to make (mostly) healthy choices – I have been able to run and lift weights and row and even jump rope (with some time off for recovery as needed).
  • Be a part of an amazing team that hosted a successful fundraiser dinner and auction for the athletic program at my son’s school.
  • Realize that tomorrow is not promised, but we also serve an amazing God who loves us.
  • Make it to almost every single varsity track meet. See my oldest advance to state in both the 400m and the 800m.
  • Enjoy almost all of the end of the school year activities with both of my kids . . . including a kickball tournament for my youngest and awards programs for both.
  • Travel to Washington D.C. with my son’s U.S. History class. Such an amazing and fun trip. We walked 45 miles in five days and saw so much. I am forever thankful for the blessing of being able to go.
  • Celebrate my 43rd birthday!
  • Do all the normal daily things that make my world go round . . . cook, clean, do laundry, hang out with my family, go to church, pray, and worship . . .

Yes, there are definitely days when fatigue has hit me hard. But also, there are so many days that are just a huge blessing. Days where God has shown up and shown Himself to be so good and so faithful. It’s not a journey I would’ve chosen, and it’s not something I would wish anyone. But it’s the path I’m walking. I’ve had to fight fear and anxiety like never before. I’ve had to truly give up control and step back and realize that God is in control, and He. Loves. Me. Full stop.

I’ve found a lot of comfort in Psalm 23 over these past few months. It’s probably one of the most well-known, if not the most well-known, Psalms. Yet, for me it just means more . . . more than it ever has before.

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.

2 He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.

3 He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him—not for my earning it, but] for His name’s sake.

4 Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.

6 Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

Without a doubt, I know I’m not the only one walking a hard road right now. We all have challenges this side of heaven. We’re not promised an easy life, but we are promised that, if we know Jesus as our Savior, we will never walk through anything alone. He restores us. He leads us. He gives us rest and peace . . . even when we’re seated right in front of our enemies. That’s the promise I hold onto. I don’t know what tomorrow or next month or next year will bring, but I know God is already there preparing for me a table in the presence of my enemies.

Leave a comment