It is National Adoption Month. If you’ve been here for any length of time, you know that my husband and I are adoptive parents. November, in particular November 10th, holds a special place in our hearts not only because it’s National Adoption Month but because on this day eight years ago, a judge halfway around the world, ruled that our daughter could legally be a part of our family.
I’ve been thinking for a while about what I would like to say regarding this day and this month, and I came up with a few (plus some) thoughts:
- Adoption is beautiful, but adoption is hard. There is never a world where adoption doesn’t come from loss. To not acknowledge that is to do a huge disservice to our children, and regardless of why and how they came into our families, we need to respect the fact that separation from the birth mother is always a loss.
- My daughter isn’t lucky to have us. We are not her saviors. She isn’t lucky to not be wasting away in an orphanage. Children deserve to be loved, and nurtured, and cared for. Children deserve families. Period.
- Along the same lines, she wasn’t “created for us”. God didn’t create her just to be left as a very sick baby in an orphanage where she would never come close to being nurtured physically or emotionally just so we could have a daughter to adopt one day. I’ve always said, “She is our plan A, but we are her plan B.”
- Further, we don’t have a ton of info on her history, but we know where she is from. We know about the heritage of both her birth country and her ethnicity, and we want to teach her about and respect both.
- I can’t fix everything. Only God can truly heal, and I have to accept and understand that.
- I refuse to reduce adoption to nothing more than a “calling”. My child is not a project or the poster child for why you should adopt. She is a beautiful, blessed, and beloved daughter.
- Family preservation is always best. It’s, sadly not always possible, but it’s always best.
I am, shocking as it may be, not a perfect parent. Far from it actually, but I love my children deeply and equally. There is no distinction in our home between biological and adopted. There is however acknowledgement of how each child came into our family. We don’t deny it or ignore it. We respect it.
I pray that I never forget what a great honor and privilege it is to be able to parent my daughter. I pray that I never let my own needs, desires, or emotions take over her own. I pray that she knows and is confident in how deeply she is loved, valued, and desired.
“A child born to another woman calls me mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me.”
Jody Landers
Courtney's Contemplations . . . 