Rhythms of Rest

Two things that are no secret if you’ve been around here for more than a minute:

1. We are in an insanely busy season of life.
2. I struggle with rest. A lot.

Regarding #1 . . . we’re busy . . . I’ve written about it, complained about it, vowed to fix it, and now I’ve reached the point of finally accepting it. We’re busy because that’s life with a 10 and almost 16-year-old. But with that, I’ve also come to the point of refusing to add more to our plates or fill a role just because someone else thinks we should. If it’s right, I’ll do it. If it’s not, I won’t. I have written, ad nauseam, about learning the value in saying “no”. So, I won’t continue to beat that drum . . . I’ll just say, there is so much freedom in being able to say “no” even when a wrong “yes” would be easier.

Regarding #2 . . . the need to perpetually keep going . . . which I’m well aware is in direct contradiction to me working on saying “no”. The issue is I have to learn to say “no” to myself and the never satisfied taskmaster and inner critic that constantly tell me, I’m not doing enough . . . I feel like there is always one more thing that needs to be done. One more task to be completed. Is the house clean? Yes. Then the windows should be washed. Are the windows washed? Yes. How about the porches? The dog needs a bath. The flowerbeds need to be weeded. The laundry needs to be done. The car needs to be vacuumed. I should bake bread . . . prep for meals . . . I struggle to stop. I struggle with rest.

I’ve tried, for quite some time, to figure out how to “remember the Sabbath and keep it holy”. Sundays are not restful days for me. They are holy days, but they are also kind of chaotic. Patrick and Andrew have to be at church early for worship practice. Two Sundays a month we teach youth. Sunday afternoons are full of prepping for the week ahead and getting everything ready to go. Beyond that, I’ve struggled to figure out what it really means to rest. For me, a day in my pjs on the couch often leaves me restless rather than rested, but I also feel a conviction to rest. To allow myself the margin to not constantly be working on something.

And He said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.” Mark 2:27

The reality is, God created the Sabbath for us, and how rest looks may be different for each of us. I am in no way discounting the importance of Sunday worship, but for many of us who serve, Sundays contain a good portion of work rather than rest. Further, His command to remember the Sabbath, the day of rest, was not meant to be restrictive but freeing. And in a busy season of life, I’m learning to incorporate Sabbath rhythms wherever I can. It may mean, choosing to do only what has to be done on a Saturday . . . a few loads of laundry (laundry doesn’t bother me at all) . . . possibly cooking a meal, but most definitely not scrubbing my shower. It could mean a long run with worship music or curling up on the sofa with coffee and a book. It looks different from week to week and month to month, as our schedules are continually changing, but ultimately, my goal is to be intentional in creating and allowing spaces and moments of rest for myself . . . to purposefully choose, in those times, to not do things that tax me, even if I don’t mind them . . . even if at times, I find them enjoyable.

Which leads me to this space. There are times when I find writing restful and freeing. Times when it comes easily and without a lot of work. Other times, it’s harder. Especially when I put undue pressure on myself to produce. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve been on here. It may be two or three more before I’m back again. The truth is, in the moments I do have to sit and write, I’ve found myself pulled more and more to take those moments to rest . . . to honor God and remember the Sabbath in those brief and fleeting moments when no thing or person is demanding my immediate attention.

I don’t want to look back one day and realize I lived my life as an unending list of tasks to be done and to-do lists to check off. Resting certainly isn’t all we should be doing, God gave us one day to rest and six to work, but it is an integral part of living my life to the fullest. Of living fully present in each moment. And in this crazy busy and beautiful season of life, I want to be sure that I’m allowing myself room to rest so I can be fully ready to take on whatever each day brings.