Did I intend to go almost a month without a writing a single word? No. Did I expect for us to be as busy as we are before school is even back in full swing? Also, no. But as I’ve said before (I know . . . broken record and all that), life with a teenager and a ten-year-old in two different schools, in two different cities, is some kind of crazy.
At the beginning of this year, I wrote the words “flexibility” and “grace” in my bible and prayer journal. Fun fact about me, I’m about as far opposite of “flexible” as a person can get . . . figuratively speaking, of course . . . although I’m no gymnast either so we could probably say both figuratively and physically. Some may even say I’m a little bit rigid. I’m a planner that plans her plans. I like a very set, very structured routine . . . so I had kids . . . go ahead, laugh. I’m also not the most gracious (or graceful) person on the planet. I often expect too much of myself and others (i.e. perfection), and have, in the past at least, allowed those expectations to violate the boundaries of others. In short, I tend to not be great at extending grace, and I’ve probably, more than once stuck my nose and given my opinions where they did not belong. I promise I’m a blast to be around.
Enter one kid in high school, playing sports and doing every activity under the sun, another kid in elementary school, church, athletic boosters, the real estate office, remodeling a house, and on and on . . . this year has been an exercise in insanity, or rephrased both flexibility and grace.
We’re almost eight full months into this year, and I’ve learned a few things:
- Flexibility and grace go hand in hand with establishing and respecting boundaries. Flexibility and grace allow me to say “no” when needed and also, to respect the “no” of others. Your choices for your immediate family, are your choices. Period. That applies to both extended family and friends. Unless it directly affects me or my immediate family, which it rarely does, or there’s abuse, neglect, etc. happening, then it’s not my problem, choice, or decision. Further, I’m not responsible for making others happy or keeping up with their expectations of me. Just because you think I “should do _____” does not mean, I can, will, or actually should. My priorities are, as I’ve said many times before, first my relationship with God, second my marriage, third my children, and finally, extended family, church, work, and so on (not necessarily in that order). Flexibility has given me the freedom to set the necessary boundaries and say, “not my circus, not my monkeys, not my responsibility”, and grace has allowed me to hear what others are saying, respect their boundaries, and say “cool . . . I get it . . . or not . . . regardless, I respect what you’re asking of me”. Whether I agree with the other person, has absolutely nothing to do with respecting their boundaries. If I choose to then rehash and vent about all the things I think they’re doing wrong, I’m doing everything but respecting them . . . shutting my mouth has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. Cliff’s Notes: Quit taking on problems that aren’t yours to take on. Quit giving your opinion and advice when it’s neither needed nor wanted, and it’s not your business. If you’re truly concerned pray for them, and then live your own life.
- Sometimes, I need to take a moment and breathe. That might mean stepping away for a second, because frazzled Courtney is not always nice, and she is definitely not flexible and gracious. In the same vein, what seems like a crisis at 2:00 a.m. is typically not a crisis . . . and 2:00 a.m. Courtney is not a particularly reasonable and rational person. So, what do I do when the stupid anxiety/mom guilt/racing thoughts hit at 2:00 a.m. as they like to do? I pray. A lot of times, if I start praying, not just for myself but for others, I’ll find myself drifting back to sleep rather quickly. But if I’m still awake after praying for a while, I’ll pull out my kindle and read. That almost always switches my brain off or at least shifts it into a different mode.
- I’m not supposed to be perfect, but I am redeemed. I serve a God who has extended me so much grace and honestly, is way beyond flexible with me so I have a responsibility to do the same for myself and others. Adding to that, not everything is going to go according to plan and schedule. The world is not going to end over it. Breathe, pray, and adjust.
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
Corrupt – Unwholesome – rotten, useless, corrupt, depraved. (Strong’s 4550)
“Unwholesome” may include cursing and cussing, but it’s not limited to those things. We have created this culture of “venting” both outside and within church, of talking badly about others but trying to pass it off as caring and concern, and all it really amounts to is unwholesome, rotten, useless, talk. You can speak an entire novel of unwholesome words and it sound very pious and holy. Sometimes our best bet is to just shut up.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
God sees us. He loves us. He has our backs. This life is short in light of eternity, we have to remember that so much of what matters today, won’t matter a year from now.
Courtney's Contemplations . . . 