These Beautiful, Bittersweet Moments

We are wrapping up our first full week of summer. I officially have a fourth grader and a sophomore in high school, and in just about four months, my oldest will be turning 16. There is something so beautifully bittersweet about this time in our lives.

I look at my children, and I wonder where the time went. What happened to those baby and toddler days, with chubby cheeks and sticky hands, sloppy kisses, and being toted around on mom’s hip? Where did those kindergarten and first grade days go, with their toothless little grins and silly little laughs? Andrew outgrew me in both weight and height years ago, and Anna is close to being as tall as I am (which honestly isn’t saying much . . . I’m not even five feet tall). Anna outgrows shoes and jeans like it’s her job, and with every passing day, Andrew becomes less of child and more of a man.

It is so hard to believe. So hard to grasp how rapidly time passes, and there is a temptation to hold onto the past. To hold tightly to their childhood. To never let them go or grow. To resist the urge to hold them a bit more responsible with each passing year. To hinder rather than propel them toward independence. But if I did that, I wouldn’t just be selling them short, I’d be selling myself short as well. Because as much as it is so bittersweet, it is also so beautiful. As crazy as my 15-year-old can make me, and y’all somedays he makes me C.R.A.Z.Y. (I think it’s God’s way of preparing me to send him out into the world), watching him become more and more independent, sharing in actual “adult-ish” conversations and interests, and being able to witness him morphing into the young man and leader God has created him to be, is the greatest gift. And then there’s my youngest, with all her struggles and needs, she sometimes says and does things that absolutely blow me away, and while I don’t know exactly how her journey to be as independent as possible will play out, I can tell you that she is absolutely amazing. We have hard moments and sometimes, hard days and weeks, but the privilege of watching her transform into her own person is not lost on me.

In three short years, we’ll be preparing to send our oldest off to college, and the reality is, he may come home for short stints here and there, but more likely than not, in three short years, he’ll be packing up and leaving our home forever. While I know most parents prefer their babies stay home for as long as possible, while I know I’ll shed more than a few tears, and I’ll miss him desperately (who else will play Trivial Pursuit, discuss books, and watch Jeopardy with me?), I also can’t wait to see what is in store for him. And I would be lying if I said I’m not encouraging him to spread his wings beyond the small world he knows right now.

I recently heard someone say, they don’t live in the past, but they don’t rush toward the future either. Instead, they embrace the present, and that’s what I’m here for. I want to cherish each beautiful, hard, and bittersweet moment. To realize what a gift the here and now is, while also preparing for what lies ahead. And with that . . . we have a fun, but busy summer ahead. Which let’s face it . . . that’s life in this season with a 10 and 15 year old . . . busy . . . While, I do hope to pop on here from time to time, I may not be as present here as I sometimes am because the most important thing, at least in this moment, is being fully present with my people. May your summer be amazing and full of all the good things.